Virtual Empathy
As you actually experience being a leader (in your role on campus or out in the “real world”), you probably end up with the same conclusions that many leadership researchers find — building and sustaining connections with people are key to being effective and successful. The basis of those relationships is the concept of empathy (considering other’s thoughts and feelings, and using those considerations to change your actions). Everyone wants to feel hear and valued, and empathy as a leadership skill helps to center the needs of those who you are leading.
The big question (really, the same question we’ve now been asking for the past 18 months) is how we change or transfer our empathy skills when we are mainly building or sustaining relationships in a virtual setting? We know it’s still important (maybe even MORE important) to connect emotionally with people when we are physically apart. Some have bemoaned that virtual empathy in a virtual space is impossible, but we know from our collective lived experiences over the past year and a half that our empathy isn’t gone, it’s simply changed and adapted to our current environment. Let’s see some tips for cultivating and continuing virtual empathy, adapted from lawyer and strategist Avery Blank:
Use video whenever possible. When it’s not, be direct.
It isn’t a perfect medium, but it’s way easier to comprehend a person’s emotions if you can actually see them. Take advantage of video-sharing capabilities (on Zoom,. Microsoft Teams, and Instagram Live, for example) whenever possible.
If you can’t use video (and there are plenty of valid reasons why you can’t — hello, Zoom fatigue!), you may have to be a bit more intentional about trying to really think about a person’s emotional state or frame of mind. Can you hear something in their voice? Is there a tone in written communication you can pick up on? If not, how about directly asking how they are feeling about a dilemma or certain situation?
Be present when listening.
Using a video is a double-edge sword, because it becomes VERY easy for us to not give our full attention to the video and person on it. Make sure you are putting other tasks aside, minimizing/closing other internet windows and applications, and giving your full attention as possible to the person you are communicating with.
Now that you’ve gotten the physical distractions out of the way, you’ve got to also make sure you try and remove the emotional blocks that may stop you from really listening. Take stock of your emotions as you listen to others — is your response based on what they are telling you, or are they based on some past similar experience you had? When you can name your emotions, hold them object, and understand how your reactions may be based off that (aka emotional intelligence), you have completed a very important step towards being fully present and true empathetic listening.
Lastly about this — as a leader, you will also need to make sure in a virtual group setting that others try and practicing the above actions, too. Make sure you are setting the tone for good digital etiquette at the beginning of meetings/sessions for all participants. Don’t be afraid to hold people accountable when they are being less than diligent, too!
Share something of yourself (aka be vulnerable).
Connecting over a virtual setting actually requires MORE vulnerability, not less. This is because when we are physically distant all the time, we’re missing the random run-in’s and casual conversations that can work to build personal relationships and solidarity. It means that as leaders, we must role model showing our humanity through virtual abilities. This will look different based on how your actually lead, but it could be longer check-in times at the beginning of meetings; a chance to share something person via an email; or having virtual celebrations for when an individual in your group does something great. It also means that you can’t be super stoic or business-like at all times; you need to share (appropriately) the highs and lows of your own life. This will help your group realize that you’re a person, too — and you’re open to hearing from others on how they really feel.
A lot of these tips are “easier said than done”, but no one said that leading was easy! And while we continue to navigate the effects of a pandemic on our everyday lives, it’s even more important that we focus on leading in ways that supports our groups and followers and improves our respective communities.
